Thinking About Just Being Here And Breathing

Being Here And Breathing

The other week, writer (and Skin Deep boss man) Mr Siôn Smith wrote a blog about imagining the future.

Being self-employed, therefore not (really) attending job interviews, appraisals and whatever else, means that some of us never get the chance to ponder that question: where do you see yourself in 12 months time?

Imagine, believe, receive.

Here goes.

I wake at 9am. It’s warm outside and golden autumn leaves have landed on the skylight above my head. Lavender is still fast-asleep. Only six months old and sleeping through the night, waking when I do. She’s a delight. 

I pop my head into the nursery and tickle her nose. Her eyelids flicker. The smell of burnt grass drifts in through the window from the farm across the road. 

After an hour-long bath, soaking in scented crystals reading my magazines, it’s time for the day to begin. I’m performing some poems at an event tonight and I need to prepare. I also need to dedicate some time today to getting things ready for the next few weeks…

We’re off in the VW again. Around France, Spain, Italy – maybe a few more places… we’re just going to see where the wind takes us and I’ll be writing and blogging a lot along the way. Simon is self-employed now too, meaning we can take off for an adventure whenever we want. With a well-behaved baby that loves being on the road and a cosy (low-cost) home to look forward to coming back to, our spur of the moment trips are always completely stress-free. Petrol, food, fresh air, music, nappies, and a pen – the essentials are all we need.

To repeat the words of Mr S, none of this seems totally dumb. Apart from the van and – oh yeah – the new living human being that I’ve magically created, it’s not too far off being what my life is like now. In theory, a freelance writer should be able to write from anywhere in the world, but it doesn’t always end up that way. Things get in the way. Life, etc.

I also think I am pretty crap at aiming for the big things these days. I mean, I’m always looking for a new lesson and challenge around every corner, that’s true, but I also really find pleasure in the smallest things. The things that most people probably don’t think of when someone asks them to describe their future ambitions.

Interviewer: “So, where do you want to be in 12 months.”
Me: “Well, ideally, still just… alive, really. Healthy. With the same people I love around me – them alive and healthy, too. Um – also having a nice, morning bubble bath?”

Sometimes just being here and breathing is enough for me.

On a final note, this week I can’t stop listening to: L.A. Witch.

This music makes me want to delete the above blog and write: “in 12 months, I just want to be more cool. Thanks.”