Thinking About Letting Go

Letting Go.jpg

Even though it’s snowing outside (wtf), it actually is starting to feel like spring which means I am buzzing.

The evenings are getting slightly brighter, the sun feels sparkly, the air smells crisp and I am so ready for the light. Looking back today, I could be worried about how moody my blogs probably sounded in the winter months… if I’ve moaned a lot about being ill and tired, um, sorry ’bout that. I’m seasonal. Insert shrugging emoji.

But, onwards.

Today I’ve been thinking about blogging and social media and the biggest issue I have with it (and have always had with it). As you probably gathered from above, I always overanalyse my previous posts. I struggle to accept the fact that all bloggers grow and change, but do that with a ton of people watching (and often commenting in return).

My writing style is constantly changing because I’m the sort of person who is always looking to learn and grow, professionally. What I say, why I say it and how I say it, is also constantly changing because I am the sort of person who is always looking to learn and grow, spiritually. How much I see myself change in a short space of time became clear this week when I started to look at migrating some of my tattoo blogs onto this website (for three years I ran a tattoo website and after closing it earlier this year, I had always planned to somehow publicly archive my ‘older’ writings). Anyway, glancing over some of my earliest posts had me rocking back and forward with my head in my hands – what was I going on about?!

If you’re a writer, you’ll know what it feels like to think you suck. Most of us look back on stuff that’s 5 minutes, or 5 years, old and we can be own worst critics. Like I said, that’s how we grow. But, it’s really hard to sometimes move past the old stuff once you’ve unearthed it. I blog about learning, reflecting and thinking – I air my deepest thoughts and feelings for all to see. As a positive person, blogging is cathartic to me and I often move past these anxieties quickly and can look back in just a week feeling very different, and actually much better, about the subject in hand.

Because I over-analyse this constantly, I’m always deleting old social media posts and accounts, blog entries and sometimes even entire websites. I’ll see something I said three years ago and cringe at the thought of sharing it publicly today.

As I deleted my Instagram account again this morning, in a moment of ‘everything I write and say sucks’, I’ve decided that I absolutely have to change this about myself. Acknowledgment and acceptance are the first and biggest steps, and I certainly have acknowledged that I have an inability to just let previous words lie.

I’ve got to just let it go.

I know that so much can be accomplished when we just let go, when we make the decision to just be ourselves and nothing else, even if that does mean being inconsistent and imperfect in front of thousands of people.

Most importantly, we must focus on the present and the future, because the past only ever holds us back.